eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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