remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
