i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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