i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
