I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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