Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
