dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize