You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
