a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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