been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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