Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
