Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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