I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
