Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
