Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
