I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
