Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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