I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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