Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
