Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My liver just had a heart attack.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
