just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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