like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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