He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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