Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the condom got lost in my hair
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize