I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
