but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
