oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
