The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
