I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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