I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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