Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
