Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
