He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
