Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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