So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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