he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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