I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
