dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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