she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
