so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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