it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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