i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
