Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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