Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize