"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
