No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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