what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
