Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
