how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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