Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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