I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
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