Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
