so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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