he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
