I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
