I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We were destined to go to rehab together
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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