Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
