Please, let me fuck your mom
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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