Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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