DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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