he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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