She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
