it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
