I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
