is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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