i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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