I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
