did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
