Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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