Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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