dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
