dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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