Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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