Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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