I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
