Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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