my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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