Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.

(541): View more from Oregon

Together?

(847): View more from Illinois

Preferably.

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(519): View more from Ontario

who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.

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(817): View more from Texas

All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning

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(204): View more from Manitoba

they're like a gay fantastic four

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(251): View more from Alabama

He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember

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(801): View more from Utah

I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...

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(248): View more from Michigan

Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.

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(312): View more from Illinois

I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again

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