So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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