I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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