he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
