you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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