i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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