sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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