So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
