i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
