I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
