you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
