tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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