From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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