You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
