I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize