i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
