I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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