just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
