I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
