look no pants
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
