I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
