I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
