I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
