their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think I won the penis lottery.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
