My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
