Have you finally orgasmed yet?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
