I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
