After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So much rum. So many feels.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
