Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
