and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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