There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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