I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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