the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
