i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
